Substance is not something you’ll find in the film Valentine’s Day, no matter how hard you try. A host of pretty faces does not save the film’s main problem of having no plot. It attempts to be a romantic comedy in the vein of Crash and Pulp Fiction, with characters coming in and out of each other’s lives, however, director Garry Marshall has forgotten to include one genuine exchange between them. You will also find no romance, and no comedy. The blonde boy (Bryce Robinson) in the film is eerily well spoken, and is somewhat reminiscent of a child from Village of the Damned with eyes like a resident in the Bradbury novel The Martian Chronicles. (The creepy photo of him is courtesy of IMDb. If you view the larger photo on the website, you'll see more of what I mean.) Also, am I the only one who lived in a neighborhood where you would have gotten beaten up if your first name was Edison? If predictability is something you desire, then you will absolutely love this film. If you miss anything, you will be quickly reminded by the 16,000 shrill teen screams in the audience when the characters dance from their puppet strings.
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